Fetch, the Husky Way

So the human woman snuck out last night with the Mutatoe and played throw the squeeky with him. I know she did this because my keen hearing heard the squeeking going on outside. I can’t hear the human woman yelling at me to get off her head (when I’m sitting on her head) and I can’t hear her tell me that I need to get a pill or get brushed, I can’t hear her when she’s screaming for me to stop standing on her broken foot, and I can’t hear her when she’s demanding that I come inside when its snowing, but I can hear the can opener, the food bin opening, the cracker container opening, and I can hear a squeeky toy in the back yard through closed doors.

So, in they come, the human woman gimping and complaining about being eaten alive by mosquitos (sure, complain about our fur on your furniture, its that fur that makes us impervious to mosquitos you hairless wonder), and the Mutatoe smells like squeeky toy.

Sure, she played for a good half hour with me in the house with the squeeky hot dog (that doesn’t taste anything like the hotdog I stole from the counter years ago, and nothing like the bratwurst I stole from the deck table), but if she’s going to spend quality time tossing a squeeky for the Mutatoe, then she’s going to throw one for me too!

The Mutatoe has the perfect husky “fetch” technique. He runs after the squeeky when its thrown, then makes it squeek a few times, sits down and waits for the human woman to gimp out to where he is so she can throw it again for him.

I have a small variation to this game, its called “hopeful optimism”. Human woman throws the squeeky toy, I run after it and run back at her full speed, veering at the last second to avoid her (although I have misjudged the distance a few times and layed her flat, or she’s moved in my way to get out of my way with the same hilarious result = human woman flat on her back keening and broken). Then the next time she throws it... I just stand there. Refuse to go get it. Just laugh at her while she tells me to go get it. Yeah right, you fool, you never learn now do you?

So I let her throw it, ran after it dutifully, then... out she had to gimp, going after the squeeky. She’ll then toss is close to me, dangle it above me, do everything including making strange animal noises to entice me to attack it... to no avail, then I refuse to come inside until she’s inside and sitting for 3.5 seconds, then I claw at the back door and scream.

Gosh I love playing with the human woman.

Never a dull moment

So, this weekend has been... weird.

The human man bought an expensive and VERY loud toy that they call "Vroomy" (apparently that's what the human woman calls it, the human man apparently doesn't like that name, but has yet to come up with anything else, so Vroomy it is), and he's been out riding it. I think its some kind of horse with horrible flatulence, as it sounds horrible and could probably use some tums or something.

The human woman was very kind to go out and buy me a new 24 inch iMac so that I didn't have to squint at the tiny laptop screen anymore. I fully expect her to leave the laptop in my crate during the day so that I can cruise the interwebs and order good chewy toys online while she's making money to support my chew toy addiction, but she said something like "um, no freakin way", which to me means "um, sure, let me run a cat 5 cable up here in case the wi fi goes out".

So, with the human woman still fully booted from the Wii incident, the human man off on his gaseous horse thing, what better way to spend the day than having a stupid fight. Loki tried jumping on the bed, but his ample ass weighed him down, so he fell pretty close to Spineless Bionic Hip puppy (good thing he didn't land on Spineless Bionic Hip puppy because Sam would have been crushed under the massive weight of the Ample Mutatoe ass). Mutatoe was all bent out of shape, having just been brushed by the bored human woman, so he took the fall and his combing out on Sam, who wasn't going to take any of his crap, which meant the human woman is screaming and pulling Mutatoe off of Sammywinks, losing balance because of the boot, flailing and screaming ensued, nobody got hurt (amazingly enough) and I had a good show from the safety of the bed.

The good thing about all of this is that the human woman thought I was "such a good girl" (said: such a goooood giiiiiiirrrrrrrl) about not wading into the stupid fight that she sat on the bed with me and held my chewy bone for me. hehehe, she's such a sucker.

Meeshka

P.S. I forgot to mention that I got to maul Indy's human woman and human man when they came to visit yesterday. I think that Mutatoe left a pee mail for Indy on them before they left.

Poppy Needs good thoughts

Go to Poppy’s blog and wish her luck with her spine surgery.

Spineless Bionic Hip Puppy Sam has a soft spot for the plucky little Chi, since she shares a spineless issue like he does.

I command you to have good thoughts and let Poppy’s human know those good thoughts.

The cranky queen of the world

Meeshka

4th of July Address

First of all, I wanted to thank all of you for your words of encouragement on the progress of my human woman. I did look into euthanasia, but apparently there's some silly human law that says you can't do that. Seems a bit odd to me, but they are humans, whatcha gonna do with them?

She's making some progress. She got the tooth fixed, she's no longer covered in oozing sores, she went out and got her usual haircut back and apparently felt it necessary to accessorize with a big gray boot on her left foot. I'm thinking that its some kind of memorial to that Michael Jackson guy (he wore a glove, she's wearing a boot... who knows). She says she broke a bone in her foot and messed up her ankle and blames the innocent and entertaining Wii We all know she's a klutz on her own.

So here it is, the 4th of July. Here I am hiding in the basement with booted human woman and the Mutatoe waiting for the neighborhood humans to knock it off with the loud, scary fireworks. I was hoping that the current government had spent everyone's money and nobody had any to buy stupid fireworks, but they've probably sold their children for spare parts to get firecrackers. Nothing says fiscal responsibility like spending money on something that lasts 3 milliseconds. " OOOOH AAAAAH, dammit I should have paid the mortgage."

Its now very apparent that the obnoxious labradoodle and terriers next door have been foreclosed upon. They left the place a shambles (the posion ivy that attacked my human came creeping from their yard) and their half filled swimming pool is a mosquito all inclusive resort. My humans will be calling the health department about it, but I'm sure the human's new government will tell them that everyone has to pitch in, so if they want anything done, clean it up themselves and while they're at it, pay the mortgage on it.

I think you can tell that I'm not a happy camper about the way the new government is honing in on my world. One thing that huskies do NOT like is being told what to do and more and more this new government is telling humans what they can and can't do, how they have to fork over more and more money to do things the humans don't want done, and taking over my world little by little. I'm still rather pissed about the voter fraud that happened and robbed Turbo and Khyra of ultimate power. They would not have spent a gazillion bucks in their first few months in office, they would not be passing laws that take away our freedoms, and they wouldn't be telling us what to do all the time. Sure, Turbo would have called humans stupid and yelled at them, but that's what humans are for, isn't it?

I think its time that we dogs claw our humans into action and make them tell their government that the government works for the humans, not the other way around, and if the government wants money, they can just freakin do something to earn it like everyone else, not mandate it and enact stupid rules that make fearful humans hand over their money or face stupid consequences... its time the humans grow a backbone, otherwise, there won't be a world for us pups when we finally take over... and frankly capitalism worked for over 200 years, I don't think that's a fluke.

Well, the human gave me some sleepy liquid, so I'm going to go crawl under a desk and ride out the stupid fireworks... when its all done and your humans are all proud of their country... tell them they need to get off their ample asses and tell government to go shove their stupid cap and trade, their automobile buyouts, their stimulus bribes, their universally crapfest healthcare, their ponzi scheme social security and medicare, their czars (I'm a siberian husky and even I KNOW that the U.S. shouldn't have czars who answer to NOBODY), and their taxes that aren't really taxes but they are taxes stop pissing on my head and telling me its raining. The government works FOR you, you don't work for them so why are you giving them all of your money? It should be spent on livergreat for all of us pups.

This has been a ranting message from your queen under a table and pissed off at the fireworks.

Meeshka

I'm watching You

IMG_0447
Originally uploaded by Shmoomeema

I see that the neighbors aren't sorting their recycling, which is apparently why the whole neighborhood is under double secret recycling monitoring probation thingie, or whatever the human woman is ranting about.

Stupid cat is pooping in my flower bed again. I've told the human woman to let me out and I'll take care of that problem, but no. I guess I'll just have to throw myself at the big picture window every time it happens.

Oh, hey, old neighbor human, if you're going to walk around nude, please close the curtains... seriously.... even Shar Pei dogs aren't that disgustingly wrinkly.

I wonder if we're having grilled food today.

Meeshka

Just Keeps Getting Better

She can barely walk because the Wii has messed up her ankles (so she claims).
She's covered in red bumps from poison ivy and going insane from the itch
She's now taking steroids for the itch so she's more nutty than usual and has to pee all the time.
She broke a tooth yesterday.

We found this nice soothing jacket for her to wear until she gets better. Shhh, say nice things to her in a soothing voice, you don't want to start the keening and high pitching wailing again, it hurts our ears.

Poison Ivy

I don't even want to touch her

Houston, we have a problem...

HULA Political Update

You may recall our failed attempts to infiltrate the American elections with our own HULA operative. We truly do feel that a canine with experience can make better decisions than any human.

We had sent one of our best HULA operatives to specialized human training. “Windswept Siberian Snowfall of the Wunderlands“ AKA ”Britches“ AKA Governor Tim Pawlenty was found out when the Bangledeshi spun human suit failed under adverse conditions during a ”meet and greet“.

We truly did feel that once Britches was found out, the humans would never fall for it again, but we’ve found that humans have a memory that lasts about 1 month long and you can actually fool them more than once with the same thing. It truly is amazing their gullibility and lack of long term memory.

This time, we commissioned the suit to be spun from Chinese worms, and paid top dollar to ensure that the silk did not contain melamine or lead or anything else toxic and harmful, and it appears to be holding out quite well, even during moments of great stress, such as press conference saying he was not running for Governor a third term and leaving the press to slather about his chances for President in the next election.

We feel that with the suit now performing as expected, and with Britches really living the role of a human, we stand a chance at winning over what is left of the country in 2012... except for that pesky Mayan calendar ending thing in which case... never mind.

Meeshka

Things to do for your human

Its Always Me

I'm convinced that the human woman has that Munchausen by dog thing going on. No, Munchausen isn't a pathological need to eat junk food continuously, although she has that too, its that thing where people hurt themselves all the time to get sympathy from their friends.

Case in point, she was standing right where I was putting my foot down and the next thing I know she's screaming and hollering, jumping up and down and clutching her foot. She's accusing me of stomping on her foot so hard that I bruised it. How could little fluffy me do such horrendous bruising to a human foot? Human feet are apparently quite delicate and bruise easily. She once stubbed her toe on the Mutatoe, and while the Mutatoe is quite ample in the ass, I don't see him being so sturdy as to damage a toe.

She also accuses me of clawing her bloody (especially during storms) but if she would just do what I demand, when I demand it, at the times I've set forth in the rules of the house, I wouldn't need to claw her. Apparently humans are so dense that you have to claw them a LOT to get them to follow rules. I truly don't see how they even function as a society with their set of rules and laws when they can't remember that at 6pm my food bowl better be on the ground and filled!

pffft

Meeshka

Wordless Wednesday

My paws hurt from digging for grubs. What? You aren't suppose to say anything on wordless Wednesday?

I am husky, hear me woo on Wednesday.

pfffft.

Meeshka

Literal Translation

Mother's Day

More Fun with Wii

Fitness Training

Sorry I'm not posting a lot, but its a full time job making sure the Human Woman sticks to her fitness schedule. As her personal trainer I have to remove the Little Debbie snack cakes from her face and supervise her training rotation.

I swear, I have no idea how humans survive without canine supervision.

Meeshka

P.S. She's still very gaseous

In Case You Were Wondering

Hey, the humans turned on the air conditioning, so I've been busy sucking all of the cold air coming out of the vent. Its my job, its what I do.

Let's see, what's new... nothing really.

Human woman cleaned up the thunder room for us in case the thunder comes. The thunder room is very handy because its like my own person torture room just for the human woman. The Mutatoe has to join us (because he's a girly dog and has to be within three inches of the human woman or he cries), so not only can I stomp and claw the human woman, but I can stomp on the Mutatoe and get away with it because "I'm afraid of thunder and loud noises". Heck, if I can get away with it, I'll start being afraid of the sun if that means more clawing.

Here's an obligatory picture of me.

Today I got a bath

It went something like this:

Um, its MY blog

For those of you with encouraging words for the Human Woman’s stop smoking plight, yeah, yeah, whatever, go post a comment on HER blog, this is about ME!

Apparently she’s totally exaggerating the horror of her experience and told me to tell all of your humans that the lozenges aren’t THAT bad if you like sucking on lozenges, but apparently sucking on lozenges keeps her from drinking coffee and shoving snack foods in her mouth 24 hours a day. The horror.

Enough about her, unless its to say that she came home after work late and didn’t feed me dinner until late and frankly there’s gonna be some clawing going on whether she’s “suffering” or not. Its quite apparent that she’s obsessing about this whole no smoking thing and is not giving me the time and attention I so richly deserve.

As promised, here’s the new “do” she’s sporting. Say it looks nice, even if you don’t mean it, remember, she is armed and off the nicotine.

Meeshka

Shhhh

The human woman is trying to quit smoking again. Had I known that I wouldn’t have clawed her earlier, which is why she’s wearing two neon bright smiley face bandaids on her arm (because that’s all they had) and now she’s glaring at me with her new hairdo.

I’ll post a picture of the new hairdo as soon as she stops keening, rocking back and forth and muttering something about Commit tastes like ass. Seriously, I really have no idea what she’s talking about this time, but her breath does smell a bit like the Mutatoe’s butt.

Meeshka

New HULA Member: Ari

Yes I know, two blog posts in one day, but I was so enchanted with Ari's story (as told by her human) that I couldn't wait another day to reward such a clever pup for such a clever deed. Although Ari's accomplishment doesn't meet ALL of the HULA standards, there are some deeds (like sitting on pork chops) that deserve recognition and I know that the new member will continue to delight me in their mission to drive their human insane.

So it is with great pleasure that I pronounce Ari a member of the HULA Hoop for this very creative way of causing chaos and mayhem.

Please visit Ari's blog for the sad tale of the soup.

Meeshka

Award Time

Yep, this time I didn't even have to steal it (all of them belong to me anyway, as I am the queen of the entire world), its nice the Huffle Mawson (honorary husky and actual HULA Hoop member) honored me with it, so here it is along with the rules:

The rules for the award say I have to post the award on my blog, add the link to the award, then:

1. Pass it on to furries that do the hidey.

2. Share it with woofies that are good friends & protect us all.

So, with that said and since I'm in the middle of a nap, if you like the award and you qualify, go for it, you all deserve it as well if you are reading my blog.

Meeshka

State of the Husky World

I can't say that I'm too pleased with what is going on with the United States recently. I have assigned Spineless Bionic Hip Puppy Sam as my Press Secretary and have given him my twitter account to report on the state of the state of the states. I was spending too much time tapping my statuses on the iPhone, and frankly it was cutting into my naps and eating. He will be following the press conference tonight, so follow SamEwinks on twitter.

In regard to the decisions made by that guy that was elected to run the U.S. until the inevitable take over of the world by Huskies, I have to say its a mixed bag.

I was happy to see that more and more humans were losing their jobs and being forced to stay home and wait hand and foot on their pets, but that optimism turned to feety feet stomping anger when the stupid unemployed humans refused to give up on their belongings and instead starting shoving their pets into shelters.

I was once again buoyed with hope when POTUS announced that his new house was so big that he would take in all of the homeless pets... which turned out to be only ONE dog. Harmph, there's plenty of room in that big house for more than one dog.

Recently in the news I saw them digging up their lawn. They didn't even do a good job of that, if they had more dogs, that would have been a much nicer hole.

I'm also upset that there are no dogs in the Congress. I'm sorry to report that the weasel faction has taken over a majority of the House of Representatives. Since weasels are a close relative of the squirrel (ok, I have no idea if they are related or not, but they are furry, snarky, and have long tails therefore they must be related) I am calling on all of you to do what you can to get al of the weasels out of office and make sure some dogs are installed there to get this nation back on track and flowing with unlimited livergreat.

Lastly, I give you a picture of Timothy "Turbo Tax" Geithner without his clothes on.

Stupid Fight

This weekend things were going to well. Its been so boring around here lately, even though we've trained the human woman to toss a squeeky toy to us out in the yard (one at a time though, since every squeeky toy is MINE). Its been rainy and I guess squeeky toys melt in the rain, although I think its actually the human woman that melts in the rain, whatever, we haven't been getting enough exercise and excitement, so what bette way to get the blood flowing than with a good ol stupid fight.

We started out in the yard like normal, but then Sam decided he wanted a little drama, so he started in with harassing the Mutatoe. Mutatoe didn't like that, so let the fun begin. I stayed off to the side with a bowl of popcorn and watched the fun (better than HBO) as Mutatoe and Spineless Bionic Hip pup had a knock out, drag out stupid fight with tufts of hair flying, screaming (by the human woman) and even a surprise guest appearance by the human man who in his rush to get out to stop the stupid fight put his shorts on inside out.

Oh, it was so amusing and entertaining!

Nobody was really hurt during the stupid fight (except for a small nick on Sam's ear that bled a lot and freaked out the humans), and after sufficient screaming, they stopped and went back inside and took a nap together.

Humans... so dramatic.

New HULA Member: Maya Boo Boo

Seriously, if ever a HULA award should be given, its in this case. THIS is what I'm talking about; the total lack of regard for human "authority" if ever there was.

There's nothing more that I can say about this new HULA member that can't be read about on her blog... so go there... go there now.... learn.... then go do something THIS amazing!

Maya Boo Boo... ultimate HULA member

Food Preparation

If your house is like my house (I'm guessing its probably less hairy, dirty, and smells better because my human woman is lazy), then you eat before the humans.

Yes, I've read and heard all of those dog "trainer" types that think that humans should eat before dogs because that shows us dogs who is boss and that humans are more intelligent than we are. Regardless of when they feed us, have they not yet figured out that we lay around and do nothing while they wait on us hand and foot... yeah, who is the more intelligent species?

Anyhoo, I digress... in my house we eat first (damn straight), and then the human woman fixes the human food, which always requires cooking and stirring and ingredients that only sometimes come out of a can, and actual cooking on the stove.

Once again, this is where we use our canine skills of logic and reasoning to determine that if we are sprawled into a big fluffy obstacle course, the chances of food spilling are greater. The chances of human woman dumping boiling pot of water on herself, dancing wildly and making a high pitched hooting noise are also great, so there you have dinner and entertainment.

Below is a demonstration of the proper sprawl technique for a human cooking obstacle course. Study it. Learn it... do it and you shall be rewarded.

Washer Repair (part 4)

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Washer Repair (part 3)

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For Klaus

Our thoughts are with you Lulu and Bogart.

Meeshka and the Gimpy Gang

AHHHHH! Finally!